First day at home

In his first day at home since stepping down from his post as Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Alan Greenspan made a series of cryptic, inscrutable pronouncements that left his wife, NBC’s Andrea Mitchell, totally baffled.

The former Fed chief was renowned for his confusing, often incomprehensible statements about the markets and the economy while testifying to Congress, but according to Ms. Mitchell, those remarks were “a piece of cake” to understand compared to the mixed messages he has been sending at home.

The trouble began at the breakfast table, Ms. Mitchell said, when she asked the former Fed chief what he wanted to eat, a question which led to a serpentine 45-minute response.

“To order ham and eggs at this time is tempting, but may not be warranted given my desire to keep my cholesterol below a reasonable ceiling,” Mr. Greenspan reportedly said.

According to Ms. Mitchell, Mr. Greenspan spent the rest of the day holding the TV remote control, moving the remote up five channels and then down five channels for no apparent reason.

“I kind of feel sorry for him,” Ms. Mitchell said. “I think he really misses moving interest rates.”